Monday, January 26, 2015

God's hands, continued...

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I believe I had been enabling the negative behaviors of my spouse. I had stepped into a role where I was taking on (with my parents help) the adult responsibilities of my and my ex’s life. My health was deteriorating as my worry overshadowed everything I did. My body was struggling 24/7 as a result of my anxiety and stress. My house that I once treasured, felt dark and cold; it lacked the warmth of our love. I used to wonder if my drunken husband could find his way home or if he would be killed or kill someone accidently while under the influence of his binge drinking.

After many years and some brief counseling, my ex had shared that he felt he didn’t have a problem and it was basically my problem of perception in what was healthy for him. Because he felt this way, he wouldn’t seek help; after discovering this mindset, I filed and pursued the divorce.

Alcoholism is a horrible disease; it impacts everyone in the sidelines of the illness. We always struggle with our choices because each choice opens the doors to either opportunity or demise.  I had been raised Christian and truly believed in the “death do us part” vow but I had to realize that the healthy me had died through the turmoil of our unhealthy marriage and in order to salvage myself and gift my kids the healthiest environment possible, I needed to move on and find my way to a brighter future.

We can never turn back the clock of our life to rewrite history but we can honor our present day moments and make these the healthiest as possible. By doing so we are investing in a bright future for everyone in our circle and for ourselves. My dream reminded me that with God’s strength I could move forward and this decision, in itself, was the healthiest way to help my husband.

Today, I’m sure I did the right thing but it was one of the most difficult decisions I have made in my life and this is why I believe God gifted me with such an empowering dream; it was my reminder that I am never alone. He had my back and I believe he has yours too. Honor you by making the changes necessary to manifest your healthiest life too!

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