Friday, January 30, 2015

What If's, continued...

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Click on the below article link to obtain background information to this blog post:

When I read the quote from Gary Zukaf about responsible choices, which I cited in my article, it did make me stop and think about my life. Over the past several years I have made a number of responsible choices and because of this my life has been transitioning into a great direction. I am making progress and this progress feels wonderful.

I feel psychologically healthy although I do still worry. But, the difference today is that my worry has less impact because I am taking my power back from it. It used to hold on and drain me; today when it steps in, I recognize it and I push it back out. It is through my self-awareness that I am empowered to see that these unhealthy thoughts and triggers cause unwelcomed stress.

I used to believe I couldn’t stop the wheel of anxiety that spun in my head but I was wrong. When I realized that much of the stuff I was worrying about was really out of my control and that the anxiety itself only causes toxin and eventual illness, I decided it was time to take my power back.

I’m hopeful that this article speaks to the worry warriors out and that it entices all of you to second guess the worry instead of second guessing your opportunities. Energize all that is positive and this, in itself, will cause the anxiety to dissipate!

What are your worries, I will help you break them down and support you in getting your power back. Drop me a note and let’s talk about it.

Monday, January 26, 2015

God's hands, continued...

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Click on the below article link to obtain background information to this blog post:

I believe I had been enabling the negative behaviors of my spouse. I had stepped into a role where I was taking on (with my parents help) the adult responsibilities of my and my ex’s life. My health was deteriorating as my worry overshadowed everything I did. My body was struggling 24/7 as a result of my anxiety and stress. My house that I once treasured, felt dark and cold; it lacked the warmth of our love. I used to wonder if my drunken husband could find his way home or if he would be killed or kill someone accidently while under the influence of his binge drinking.

After many years and some brief counseling, my ex had shared that he felt he didn’t have a problem and it was basically my problem of perception in what was healthy for him. Because he felt this way, he wouldn’t seek help; after discovering this mindset, I filed and pursued the divorce.

Alcoholism is a horrible disease; it impacts everyone in the sidelines of the illness. We always struggle with our choices because each choice opens the doors to either opportunity or demise.  I had been raised Christian and truly believed in the “death do us part” vow but I had to realize that the healthy me had died through the turmoil of our unhealthy marriage and in order to salvage myself and gift my kids the healthiest environment possible, I needed to move on and find my way to a brighter future.

We can never turn back the clock of our life to rewrite history but we can honor our present day moments and make these the healthiest as possible. By doing so we are investing in a bright future for everyone in our circle and for ourselves. My dream reminded me that with God’s strength I could move forward and this decision, in itself, was the healthiest way to help my husband.

Today, I’m sure I did the right thing but it was one of the most difficult decisions I have made in my life and this is why I believe God gifted me with such an empowering dream; it was my reminder that I am never alone. He had my back and I believe he has yours too. Honor you by making the changes necessary to manifest your healthiest life too!

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Wise people, continued...

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How do we know what life is trying to teach us? We know based on our experiences. Currently I am learning that my journey may be more powerful than the destination. I’m also learning patience. I’ve been humbled by my young adult children and amazed when I think about the miracles I have witnessed and how most of the time these miracles occurred while I was deep in the heart of my hardship. But, so long as I paid attention, I was able to learn and put the hardship behind me. If we don’t learn the lesson, the experience/hardship will manifest time and time again as a dysfunctional pattern. Wise people pick up on this stuff.

I think the biggest difference between a wise person and someone with a lot of knowledge is the wise person his or her intuition as a navigational tool. The more intuitive the person, the more wise!

Click here if you’d like to learn to be wiser. This article offers 7 suggestions:

In summary the article says that wise people are experienced, sponge their surroundings, see what is in front of them, grow from hardship, have strong supports, they meditate and they are tolerant.

What are your thoughts?

Monday, January 19, 2015

3 D's of counseling, continued...

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As a student in the Mental Health Counseling Master’s program (year 3), I am find it interesting how the therapist assesses a client. My intent in sharing information I am learning is to educate readers about the counseling process in hopes this awareness will take some of the anxiety out of a first time visit.

It takes a lot of courage to go into counseling because, basically, this individual is vulnerable to the experience of the counselor. He or she must share their darkest and deepest secrets in order to uncover and process toxic thoughts and/or beliefs that may be causing a dysfunctional pattern.

As I am studying this process and learning about the 3 D’s of disorders, it makes sense to me that we need to understand how this impairment is impacting the client’s life (distress) and that we must figure out a diagnosis in order to uncover the root cause (dysfunction) and initiate the healing process but the deviation part of this analysis took my by surprise. The more I read about it, the more I understand that the norm for each culture and sub-cultures play a role in underlying beliefs. For example, some cultures believe in zombies and while in the United States we might wonder if this person talking about a real live zombie is psychotic, if the ethnicity of the client is Haitian, it may not be out of the ordinary depending on his or her upbringing.

I am curious about other cultures and intrigued to learn more as I find my way into a counseling niche. I am realizing that diversity in counseling is very complex and in order to fully understand a client, I must understand his or her culture as well.

What are your thoughts about my counseling articles? Could you care less about this information or is it beneficial to read? Drop me a note and let me know.   

Stress management insight, continued...

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I felt it is time to offer a stress management article and I really like the insight I found online.

For me, I handle a lot of stress and in the past I didn’t handle it so well and it took a toll on my health. Today I am much better at addressing what I need to and pushing through or surrendering to it when necessary and then allowing a higher power to handle what is out of my hands. details some really good advice on stress management.

  “Learn how to say “no” – Know your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or professional life, taking on more than you can handle is a surefire recipe for stress.
  Avoid people who stress you out – If someone consistently causes stress in your life and you can’t turn the relationship around, limit the amount of time you spend with that person or end the relationship entirely.
  Take control of your environment – If the evening news makes you anxious, turn the TV off. If traffic’s got you tense, take a longer but less-traveled route. If going to the market is an unpleasant chore, do your grocery shopping online.
  Avoid hot-button topics – If you get upset over religion or politics, cross them off your conversation list. If you repeatedly argue about the same subject with the same people, stop bringing it up or excuse yourself when it’s the topic of discussion.
  Pare down your to-do list – Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If you’ve got too much on your plate, distinguish between the “shoulds” and the “musts.” Drop tasks that aren’t truly necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely…
  Express your feelings instead of bottling them up. If something or someone is bothering you, communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you don’t voice your feelings, resentment will build and the situation will likely remain the same.
  Be willing to compromise. When you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing to do the same. If you both are willing to bend at least a little, you’ll have a good chance of finding a happy middle ground.
  Be more assertive. Don’t take a backseat in your own life. Deal with problems head on, doing your best to anticipate and prevent them. If you’ve got an exam to study for and your chatty roommate just got home, say up front that you only have five minutes to talk.
  Manage your time better. Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. When you’re stretched too thin and running behind, it’s hard to stay calm and focused. But if you plan ahead and make sure you don’t overextend yourself, you can alter the amount of stress you’re under…
  Reframe problems. Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather than fuming about a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup, listen to your favorite radio station, or enjoy some alone time.
  Look at the big picture. Take perspective of the stressful situation. Ask yourself how important it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a month? A year? Is it really worth getting upset over? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.
  Adjust your standards. Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress. Stop setting yourself up for failure by demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and learn to be okay with “good enough.”
  Focus on the positive. When stress is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on all the things you appreciate in your life, including your own positive qualities and gifts. This simple strategy can help you keep things in perspective…
  Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our control— particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems.
  Look for the upside. As the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes.
  Share your feelings. Talk to a trusted friend face to face or make an appointment with a therapist. The simple act of expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation. Opening up is not a sign of weakness and it won’t make you a burden to others. In fact, most friends will be flattered that you trust them enough to confide in them, and it will only strengthen your bond.
  Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on…
  Set aside relaxation time. Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t allow other obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and recharge your batteries.
  Connect with others. Spend time with positive people who enhance your life. A strong support system will buffer you from the negative effects of stress.
  Do something you enjoy every day. Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy, whether it be stargazing, playing the piano, or working on your bike.
  Keep your sense of humor. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways…
  Exercise regularly. Physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress. Make time for at least 30 minutes of exercise, three times per week. Nothing beats aerobic exercise for releasing pent-up stress and tension.
  Eat a healthy diet. Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress, so be mindful of what you eat. Start your day right with breakfast, and keep your energy up and your mind clear with balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day.
  Reduce caffeine and sugar. The temporary "highs" caffeine and sugar provide often end in with a crash in mood and energy. By reducing the amount of coffee, soft drinks, chocolate, and sugar snacks in your diet, you’ll feel more relaxed and you’ll sleep better.
  Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs may provide an easy escape from stress, but the relief is only temporary. Don’t avoid or mask the issue at hand; deal with problems head on and with a clear mind.
Get enough sleep. Adequate sleep fuels your mind, as well as your body. Feeling tired will increase your stress because it may cause you to think irrationally.”

I try to be conscientious about my self-care routine by including this type of stress relief: meditate/pray, exercise, eat healthy, creative activities, gift myself downtime, sleep at least 7 hours a night on average, explore/travel, spend time with loved ones, and volunteer in my community, among other self indulgences like massage, Chia tea, good books etc. What are you doing in your life to balance the stress? I’m curious.