Photo of Darlene provided by Darlene Lancer
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Darlene Lancer continued, “Still, I had no idea of what I
wanted to do. The unknown was so terrifying that I used to shake when I
meditated. I’d already sought advice at UCLA’s Advanced Placement Career Center
and studied up on a few alternative careers. I taught yoga for a while, but was
unfulfilled. Nothing took hold. Yet, I believe that my spiritual practice had
prepared me to let go of my identification with my role as a lawyer and the
esteem if afforded. It strengthened my real self and gave me the courage to
take a leap of faith, not knowing where, when, or if I would land.
Because of my interest in psychology, which I minored in in college, a friend suggested I
try peer counseling. I immediately loved it. I felt like I was taking “heart
vitamins.” The environment at Southern California Counseling Center where I
worked was the opposite of practicing law. The counselors were warm, relaxed,
and genuinely interested in each other. I felt I could be myself and was having
success with clients. I decided to return to school and become a Licensed
Marriage and Family Therapist.”
This felt right to Darlene.
And her path opened, “I applied to Antioch University,
because it was the most compatible with my needs and philosophy. When the dean
interviewed me, I cried for joy describing my desire to be a psychotherapist.
Then I remembered that this is what I’d wanted to do in my teens, along with
becoming a writer. Even at 12, when I first read Freud’s Interpretation of Dreams, I had the audacity to think that his
theory wasn’t quite right. Once I made my decision, I realized that I’d spent
far too long feeling out of place as an attorney, trying every which way to
make it work before trusting my feelings, which had long been buried. I was
holding on when I should have been letting it go – a symptom of my codependency
that I’d begun to heal in 12-Step meetings and therapy. My night classes at
Antioch thoroughly stimulated and uplifted me. During the day, I freelanced as
a lawyer and interned as a counselor. At first, I questioned my continuing to
practice law, but realized that it was merely a tactical move to further a
long-term strategy. I finished my degree and 3000 intern hours in record time
and opened my office. I enjoyed my work and continued post-graduate training.
After several years, I sensed a growing desire to reach more people. I became a
supervisor to work with new interns. I taught classes on addiction, codependency,
and self-esteem at local hospitals, treatment centers, colleges and
universities, and other organizations, even the California Bar Association.”
By fueling her soul work, her life is blossoming.
She explained, “Again I turned to writing to express my
ideas and had many articles published in both local and national magazines and
professional journals. I extended my reach through blogging and wrote three
ebooks: 10 Steps to
Self-Esteem, Codependency Recovery Daily
Reflections, and How To Speak Your Mind - Become Assertive
and Set Limits. In 2011, I received an
email from an editor at John Wiley & Sons, publishers of the Dummies books,
inquiring about my interest in writing for them. They were expanding into the self-help market and asked me to
write Codependency for
Dummies – a subject which had been the focus of my
clinical work for the prior two decades.
About six months after Codependency for Dummies
came out, I received a surprise call from Hazelden Publishing, the leading
publisher of books on addiction and recovery. They liked my book and a blog I’d
written, Shame: The Core of Addiction and Codependency, and asked me to write a book that delved into link between codependency
and shame. Conquering Shame and
Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You explores the role of shame and trauma in addiction
and codependency and how shame destroys relationships.
Looking back, I can see an unfolding pattern that
has led me to my current life of writing, helping and educating people, and
speaking to the media and professional groups. I hadn’t realized the magnitude
of what was in store when nearly 20 years ago I dreamt that I would share with
others what I’d learned in my own journey of self-reclamation.”
Darlene offers a triumphant testimony and, today,
she gives back to the world in a fulfilling role that helps others who are
struggling to find healing.
If this testimony resonated with you, leave a
comment. If you like to interface with Darlene in her counseling services, you
may contact through her website, http://www.darlenelancer.com/
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