Photo of Lynda Peterson taken by Jeanette Weeks
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Lynda Peterson continued, “I was
consumed with memories of loved ones who we had sadly lost to cancer and their
long and difficult battles. I saw my life pre-cancer and post diagnosis as
two different lives, one light, full of hope and dreams and one dark and
destructive. Fear enveloped my mind while the cancer controlled my
body. I had feelings of guilt and shame – what was I doing to my
family? All I really knew about cancer was that people threw up, went bald
and died anyway. But I knew that I had two choices, put my head in the
sand, feel sorry for myself and wait to die, or hold my head high, summon the
strength and courage that was deep in my soul and fight with everything I
had. As a teacher, I was always teaching my students about the importance
of a positive attitude and I knew that if the worst happened and I didn’t make
it, I wanted my own two children to remember me as a women of courage and determination,
someone who even in the face of cancer, put her best foot forward and never
gave up. I made the decision that no matter what happened or how long I
had, I would do everything in my power to survive, and I knew that if I was
going to help my family through this, I had to put on a brave face and be
strong for them.
Early on in my diagnosis, I felt
lost in the sea of tests, procedures and appointments and while I recognized
that everything was obviously being done to me and for me, I felt strangely
that it was somehow all being done without me. That is until I regained my
composure and started to take back the control. If this were the road I
was on then I would be the driver behind the wheel. I asked a million
questions, recorded everything and tried to bring with me to every appointment
my day planner, address book, a binder and my journal. By simply being
able to keep track of everything, I felt empowered and I began to feel better
about my new reality.
The night of my first
chemotherapy treatment I felt the expected side effects such as nausea, weakness,
dizziness and fatigue. But I also experienced the strangest sensations of
popping, exploding pains throughout my body, and what I can only describe
as how it might feel to swallow poison. I could almost feel the chemo making
its way into every cell of my body and I decided right then that it was not to
be feared because it was doing what it was supposed to do, it was
healing. From that moment on I called it my healing juice and although I
hated the side effects, I welcomed the chemo.
I had another 5 rounds of full
chemo followed by a protocol of 2 years of maintenance chemo once every 3
months. During that time, life went back to normal and I went back to
work, and after the 2 years a CT scan showed that while I was not quite cancer
free, I was considered to be in remission and we were ecstatic!
That summer I went on two amazing
trips, one a fabulous trip to France with my husband, and the other was a
bucket list trip with my father where we hiked the Grand Canyon. It was
fantastic.”
Lynda described Cancer’s return,
“Unfortunately 5 months later, in January 2010, a lump in my neck showed that
the cancer had transformed and turned into something called Diffused Large B
Cell Lymphoma, which as I understand it, is essentially a faster growing cousin
of the original cancer. It was decided that I would have a stem cell transplant
using my own stem cells. That meant that I had to have another 3 rounds of
full chemotherapy to cleanse my body of as much cancer as possible before
extracting my stem cells.
Once my stem cells had been
collected I was admitted to Vancouver General Hospital and underwent 6 days of
high dose chemotherapy, sometimes twice a day. On the 7th day
my stem cells were reintroduced to my body, and then the real work began.”
Her darkest hour, “I hit rock
bottom in June of 2010 during my transplant when my white blood count measured
0.0. It was frightening and exciting all at the same time because it meant the
chemotherapy was working to essentially wipe the slate clean so that my stem
cells could produce healthy bone marrow. But, each day was an unbelievable
struggle - extreme, relentless nausea, vomiting and diarrhea; mouth sores,
intestinal infections, pain, fatigue and hallucinations. I was afraid to fall
asleep at night in case I didn't wake up, and my heart burned with sadness
seeing the faces of my family as they watched my grey and withered body.
As horrible as it all was I’m one
of the lucky ones because today, with the exception of two stubborn nodes in my
lungs I am cancer free.
I now guide my life by making
quality of life decisions. I stress less and laugh more, I appreciate life and
people on a completely different level than I did before, and realize that
looking after myself is an investment in time spent with my family."
She talked about achieving
balance, “I still battle with fatigue and a somewhat compromised immune system
which unfortunately have rendered me unable to work. Overdoing it comes
very quickly for me and I have to really be careful about how I spend my
energy. For a long time after my transplant, I fought with it trying desperately
to get back to normal and ended up taking two steps forward and several
back. I have learned that my new normal requires me to monitor that energy
knowing that I only have so much physically that I can give in any day. In
order to protect myself and invest in a happy and healthy life, I do what I can
to stay healthy:
· I’ve made a conscious decision to try and live a balanced life
which means that I prioritize my activities in each day all the while listening
to my body and making sure that in each day I have time for me, time for my
family and time for my work (which right now consists only of book promotion
given my health issues). I eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and do things I enjoy. I choose not to concentrate on things over which I have no
control. Which means that I stress less and laugh more. I want less and simplify more. I’m not afraid to say ‘no’ to requests of my time, and I don’t
feel guilty about it.
· I have learned that spending time with people I love and doing
things I enjoy is much more important than how clean my house is or how much
money I have in the bank. I guide my life and consequently bring balance and happiness by
making quality of life decisions.”
Her advice for others suffering
illness, “Take ownership of this. You need to choose life and begin
immediately to fight for it:
· Ask a million questions! What exactly is your
diagnosis? What are the treatment options and the pros and cons for
each? Why are the doctors recommending one over the other? Second
opinions, specialists, medications etc. etc. Ask, ask, ask and record
everything. With organization comes empowerment and by simply keeping
track of all the details you will begin to feel better about this and know that
you can handle it.
· Medical science will get you so far in your healing but don’t
put all your eggs in that basket. Develop your own healing strategies: Firstly
you need to explore how you got here and what you can do to aid in your
recovery and change your life. Were there diet or other lifestyle factors
that contributed to your illness? If so make the changes now, don’t wait
until after treatment – research the nutritional/healing properties of foods,
exercise – even during treatment, bring balance to your life etc. Secondly
do your research then check with your doctor, are there alternative therapies
you can use in conjunction with modern medicine such as herbs, supplements,
vitamins, massage etc.”
What she attributes most to her transcendence,
“I think it basically boils down to my attitude. I know that I’m living with
uncertainty and I am passionate about the fact that I not waste a moment of my
life. I don’t know how long I have (hopefully decades), but I refuse to
spend the time I have worrying about the time I may not have.
When it is my time I want to have
no regrets and know that I’ve lived my life with passion, love, humor, faith
and a positive attitude. In my book I refer to it this way: ‘I chose,
and I still choose, to never give up; to fill my heart with the love that is
within me for the people and places that hold special meaning; to take control
of the new journey I find myself taking and embrace every day.
That doesn’t mean that I didn’t,
and don’t, have bad days where the fear envelops my mind and my body like
wearing a noose around my neck. Some days the noose is tight and I feel
cold chills as I can almost feel the fibers scratching my neck and my own
paranoia mounts wondering if the newest little pain or dizzy spell is a sign of
the cancer returning and flooding new places in my body.
But, most days the noose is gone
and in its place is an awakening of the senses. Colors are brighter,
smells are sweeter, the chill of the winter air is inviting and I feel the
healing warmth of the sun. I take nothing for granted; not a person, a
moment, the sight of a tiny Finch perched in a tree or a squirrel scavenging in
my bird feeder. I am inspired by the youthful exuberance in my students.
I’m rejuvenated and invigorated by the sound of my children’s voices and the
deep love I see in my husband’s eyes, and I instantly relax at the smell of my
dog’s feet when she sleeps. I laugh more and stress less.
I think I just appreciate life on
a level I have not done before. Not that I took it for granted, but when
you live with uncertainty I think you just are that much more aware, and that
much more determined to make the most of every day.’
The Healing Journal: Taking
Control of Your Journey Through Cancer, my book, is a comprehensive guide and
detailed record book designed especially for cancer patients and their
caregivers to keep track of all the information that will suddenly become
important in their lives.
It begins with the story of my
own journey, complete with thoughts and raw emotions as I fought to both come
to terms with, and learned to embrace life with cancer. It is intended to
inspire the reader, to bring them hope and strength and the courage to never
give up.
It continues with a journal
section for patients to reflect as they progress through their own cancer
journey, as well as sections for recording medical history, appointments,
contacts, treatments, personal 'to do' lists and travel arrangements for those
who must travel for treatments, all with enough space to record questions,
special instructions and other pertinent details.
There is also a section entitled Healing Strategies, which covers such
topics as counselors, diet, faith, relationships, wigs and more. It provides
key information and references intended to guide the patient along the path to
identifying and managing their own personal healing strategies. It
is appropriate for all types of cancers and both men and women. Patients and
caregivers who use this journal will find it to be an invaluable tool in their
journey through cancer.
It is also very user friendly,
being a compact 6 x 9, spiral bound with colorful tabbed dividers making it
easy to flip between sections. It has a photo pocket in the front cover
for patients to pop in a photo of loved ones to remind them of why they’re
fighting so hard, and a handy file pocket in the back cover for prescriptions,
business cards and lab requisitions.
Lynda’s closing words, “The Healing Journal:
Taking Control of Your Journey Through Cancer has been recognized by
International Book Awards as being the best new Health Organizer and Planner.
It can be viewed on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuxw05YoDH0.”
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