Thursday, May 19, 2011
Death dates, continued...
Click on the below article link to obtain background information to this blog post:
The weather today, May 19th, is reflective of my spirit. A bit somber, it's pouring rain. Gloomy with a chill in the air. Three years ago, on this day, I went to the hospital in the evening to relieve my sister and Mom, who were bedside of my father all day. I knew when I saw him that it would be my last visit. My oldest sister was supposed to relieve me that night but instead I knew I had to stay as the moments with him breathing were slipping away. I called my brother who worked mid-nights, he was supposed to take the 4AM shift with my Dad. I convinced him to stop in on his way to work. I knew if he saw him, he would call in even though he would be jeopardizing his job.
I sat with my 2 of my siblings and my sister's husband while our Dad took his final breathes about a 1/2 hour after midnight. The scene plays out often in my mind and dreams. It happens less often now than during the first year but the anniversary date is tough.
If you read my blog you know I volunteer at the VA. I sit bedside of vets in hospice who do not get many visitors. Many remind me of my father. It was hard at first because I did relive the environment but, at the same time, I was able to release the energy associated with it. Since I started volunteering last year, I haven't had a dream about his last hours. I think this is because I've embraced the environment in a positive and giving way. I still pray for dreams about him but good ones where we can talk and I can enjoy his company not the traumatizing event of his death.
I'm hopeful my words might help someone else who is stuck in the rut of loss. There is light beyond the murky darkness and, with courage, you will too find your way. Leave me a note about your story and how you're coping. It too can help others.